Husbands are commanded to love their wives with a huge emphasis on sacrifice (Eph 5:25). Husbands are also commanded to love their wives as their own bodies (Eph 5:28).
Wives are commanded to be subject to their husbands in every thing (Eph 5:24).
It is entirely possible that in our current culture, the majority of married Christian women believe that their husbands are poorly equipped to fulfill the emotional needs of their wives. I would venture to guess that a large number of those women wish they could find some way to educate their husbands in the finer points of emotional tenderness. I want to explore some potential mistakes that a believing woman can make in her quest to refine her husband. Let us assume hypothetically, for the sake of this post, that some Christian men have fallen short of fulfilling the call to love their wives, but they are not grossly living in overt sin.
What should a Christian woman do if her husband doesn't keep up his end of the bargain?
First I want to go over some mistakes that godly women in the bible made which had massive consequences.
The first married woman in history is Eve. Eve was not around yet when God spoke to Adam about the forbidden tree in the middle of the garden. She likely received instruction directly from her husband not to eat of it. When Satan convinced her to eat, he did so by convincing her to question the true motive behind Adams instruction from God. Eve chose to disobey her husband and God because she had been convinced by Satan that God's motives were selfish. She chose to take matters into her own hands because she thought she new better than her husband.
Sarai was Abram's wife who had not been able to provide children to Abram after over 10 years of trying. Sarai never lost faith in God's promise of many descendants to Abram, but she became impatient and talked herself into believing that God would provide those descendants through another woman, thus she convinced Abram to sleep with Hagar the hand maid which was an act of adultery. Sarai took matters into her own hands and because of her impatience, she did not believe that God would fulfill his promise supernaturally.
Lot's wife tragically lost her life when she looked back as she was fleeing the destruction of Sodom, perhaps she was curious, scared, or maybe even sad about it's destruction but God commanded her not to look back and her disobedience cost her life.
Eve, Sarai, and Lot's wife all made a conscious decision to trust in their own judgment, and to ignore what God had commanded. It seems that Eve and Sarai had justified their disobedience because of extenuating circumstances. God's command for wives to submit and subject themselves to their husbands should be no different, extenuating circumstances can not provide justification for disobedience.
We know from various references in 1 Timothy that women can be tempted to falling in to hot tempers, gossip, slander, irreverence and laziness (1 tim 3:11, 1 tim 5:13).
The hypothetical, virtuous wife that we find in proverbs 31, provides comfort for her husband. She only praises him and his good reputation is known in the town because she is smart, morally strong and a hard worker. She works hard to provide meals for her house day and night. She uses her own money to add to her husbands wealth. Every thing she does benefits her husband and lifts him up. I can't seem to find any passage in the old or new testament that would indicate that a wife has the responsibility to stand up for herself or to take it upon herself to make her husband into a better person. I am not aware that scripture gives her freedom to subvert or undermine her husband for any reason. So I ask again, What should a Christian woman do if her husband doesn't keep up his end of the bargain?
The issue here is not wheather a wife should obey her husband. The real issue is, does an unloving husband justify her disobedienc of God?
My point is this, there is no good excuse for a Christian wife to do or say anything that is designed to compromises her husbands reputation, cause mental anguish, manipulate his will or subvert his authority. She can not justify disobeying God even if her husband is not keeping up his end of the bargain..
God does not commission wives to educate their husbands in tenderness. It is not the wifes goal or responsibility to see her husband grow and mature in Christ. In the context of this post, wives should never go outside of the home looking for help to cope with or change their husbands. The Christian wife should be consumed with serving her husband and being his loyal subject, not for what she gets out of it but as an act of pure worship and obedience to her living savior and God.
I have in no means exhausted the bible on this topic and I welcome discussion. Please feel free to ad your comments.
(update) I want to make sure this post is viewed within context of my greater belief about submission in marriage. please view my post about husband's responsibility to love their wives by clicking the link below:
http://scripture-hound.blogspot.com/2008/05/service-not-lordship.html
David
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3 comments:
Since my original well-thought out and researched comment disappeared into never-never land before I could post it, (I haven't a clue which key I hit that deleted it), I'll try to condense my thoughts.
Today's culture completely scorns the idea of women being subject in any way to their husbands. Rather, there is the widespread erroneous notion that equality for women means equality in positions of authority, not just equality in worth. Many churches have also adopted this belief. In contrast, I accept at face value the Scriptures that teach men are to hold the positions of leadership and authority in the home and church. Consequently, they are responsible before God as such.
The following verses also speak to this issue:
Titus 2:3-5
Ephesians 5:21-25
In our humanity, both husbands and wives fall short of the Scriptural standard. However, we should continue to strive for that goal. The wife has equal value and the husband should treat her accordingly (love her as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her), but God has ordained that the husband holds the higher position of authority. It’s not always easy, but by submitting to her husband (unless doing so would cause her to be disobedient to Scripture), a wife is submitting to Christ, which is what she is called to do.
Sappy
Thank you for the comment. I think even believer tend to live their life on the curve. We tend to measure and justify our own morality based on the actions of others, especially those we are close to.
David
Interesting observation - living the Christian life on the curve -based on a standard being practiced by those around us instead of a higher standard as taught in Scripture.
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