Will Men Ever Measure Up?

Mother's day is long gone and Father's day is a recent memory.

While reflecting on these celebrations of gender based marital roles, the thought occurred to me that gender based roles are no longer in practice.

We would all agree that popular culture has abandoned gender based roles in order to give credence to same sex partnerships, but I want to focus on American Christian culture. I am proposing that it has become unacceptable in practice (although held up highly in word) by the majority of Christian couples to enjoy and cooperate in the separate roles that God designed and commanded for husbands and wives.

What I am trying to get at here is that even though a high percentage of Christian married couples will affirm that men and women are designed by God to tackle separate and different responsibilities, the daily conflict between many Christian couples is evidence that their convictions are only "skin deep". There are times in my own experience when I observe husbands doing their best, giving attention to the desires of their wives, but those very same women would likely scold their husbands in private for being selfish and insensitive, giving their husbands the impression that they will never measure up to their feminine standards.

I am talking about real people acting very polite and satisfied in public but when I talk to either spouse "one on one" it becomes quite clear that their marriage is more of a contest than a partnership.

I had occasion today to read a few excerpts from a New York Times article about so called “equal parenting”. The article had an extreme message, and the question on cover page says it all, “Will Dad Ever Do His Share?”. It is an aggressive attack on scripture, but I would be willing to bet, that question resonates with nearly every Christian wife in a deep way.

My own wife affirms the biblical command for wives to submit to their husbands in everything but she also admits that it is almost impossible to do in practice. I have been tempted many times to resent my wife's failures, but thanks be to God for giving me his written word to remind me that I am no better.

You see, this article in the New York Times, sites various statistics proving that men do less work around the house than women. The article speculates that women should do more to liberate themselves.

My criticism of this type of thinking is that God did not command wives to measure their husbands work and compare it to their own. Marriage is not a contest to see who can work harder! Marriage is a partnership wherein different responsibilities fall to each partner based on God's design! Instead of asking why women “do” most of the parenting and domestic work, we should be asking why do women “resent” doing most of the parenting and domestic work? Parenting and domestic work is exactly what God designed women to excel in.

At this point I can only speculate on reasons for this undertow of resentment that some Christian women try to hide in public. One thing I know for sure, their husband are all to aware of it, and I don't think they know how to handle it.

If you think I am being too one sided on this issue, then ask yourself, why did God go to so much trouble to preserve His written word without giving women instruction on how to liberate themselves from over bearing husbands, who do too little parenting and too little domestic work? Why are Christian women so quick to submit to their boss at work and not their husband's at home? Satan has capitalized on the Eve's curse, and built feminist culture that is irresistible, even to God's elect!

1 Pet 3:1-7 is so clear and yet it may as well be a crumpled up traffic ticket that never gets payed

1aIn the same way, you wives, bbe submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be cwon without a word by the behavior of their wives,

2as they observe your chaste and 1respectful behavior.
3aYour adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
4but let it be athe hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5For in this way in former times the holy women also, awho hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;
6just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, acalling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right 1bwithout being frightened by any fear.
7aYou husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with 1bsomeone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

• Mothers, teach your daughters to obey their husbands in the Lord without resentment.



• Pastors wives, be a model of submission to you husbands for the whole Church to see.



• And yes, husbands, love your wives and sacrifice your deepest desires to her



• Husbands give preference to you wives even if they refuse to call you “lord” :)
  

David